What I have learned..............

What I have learned............I've learned that this has made everthing worse. I thought I had learned and grown and progressed. I was wrong.

Kinda Scary #2

Hmmm....it has only taken me 11 days to post, not bad. I'm trying to understand how to use Facebook, and for a basic cyberspace illiterate, it's a work in progress. SO, you can imagine the issues I'm having with a BLOG!! With that out of the way, I want to talk about grief. How do we handle it, how do we process it? Grief comes in many shapes and degrees to me. The obvious loss to death of a loved one; a parent, a child, spouse. It's part of life and most of us find a way to cope, don't we? There are support groups and books and pastors and friends to console us...most every one has a story of coping with death. But, are we only allowed to grieve for the dead? I have been driven by grief for the loss of someone not by death but by circumstance, fate?,choice. What about that grief that hides in your heart for someone who has left you. It colors everything you do and say. It becomes an obsession that wreaks havoc with your daily life...it can make you physically and mentally ill. I have an obsessive nature, I am quick to act and damn the consequences. I have held grudges longer that I can remember what it was about. I have a child who is the opposite.....quick to forgive and move on. I admire that and I love her all the more because of it. But my grief would not go away...would not release its hold on me until I changed myself. And believe me, it is not easy. One of my dearest friends has a life threatening illness. She told me today:"change is never easy...". Well, life IS ever changing! Adapt, Adapt, Adapt! Move on! Whether it is easy is beside the point. If you are fortunate to have people who love and support you,it makes it easier to accept and move on .Find your way to peace of mind,believe that God is always with you. I believe that He sent His Son, Jesus to give us everlasting life. Highly resistant to what I am told...I (miracle) accepted Him.THAT has made the difference! I am ever mindful of my wrong choices and actions but He has forgiven me and I am moving on. This is my transformation...absolute. For all my loved ones, thank you for your continued support and caring. I will end with one of my (many)favorite (mis)quotes,"I is free, Miss Scarlett!"

First blog! First post! Kinda scary. Not exactly sure why I want to or what I have to say. But, I'm gonna give it a go. Starting with my quote from Lewis Carroll. I have always been partial to it and recently used it in an email to a friend. Well, after the fact I realized that I had misquoted it so I looked it up and read the poem,"The Walrus and the Carpenter" and found that I really loved the whole thing, as well. It's about talking some oysters into taking a walk with the walrus and the carpenter for the express purpose of dining on said oysters. I thought how much like my life that poem is. The times when one is vulnerable, gullible, acting without thinking because of a need to change circumstances which seem to be unbearable. Like taking a long walk off a short pier......never realizing the finality of your actions until you are eaten alive like the oysters. How do you come back after making a shambles of your life in such a final way. Well, first you flounder and give up and just when there seems to be no light at the end of your tunnel...from deep inside comes a shred of self preservation that propels you into salvaging what is left. And this is where that shred has propelled me. A new life, a new love of life, new purpose and hope.
Ah, end of first post. I'm glad I did it. WHEW*